haloven 5


It’s my most favorite time of year again–Halloween! I’ve decorated both inside and outside in a scary clown theme, inspired by the remake of Stephen King’s IT (worth seeing btw). Every time the young neighbor kids have to walk by my yard, the older girl shields her younger brother’s eyes and warns, “Don’t look at it.” Now that is “mission accomplished” in my book.

Each year I choose some costumes that go above and beyond. Behold my choices…

This costume scores big for ingenuity alone. I once had a boyfriend who called me his “little black raincloud” because black was my happy color and I was going through a phase where any jewelry I wore had to have snakes, spiders, or scorpions on it. This costume would have been perfect for me back then.


We all know pregnancy is no laughing matter, what with the feeling like you’re incubating an alien for 9 months of your life. So if you can find an ounce of funny in it, you’re a winner. This little guy wants out of his mommy, and no doubt she’s wishing the same: GET OUT, so I can see my ankles again!


This gem was in an article entitled “Questionable Costumes by Parents.” ?! The only questions I have are: How in the ever-loving hell do they walk? And, are you able to walk over to collect your First Prize ribbon?


Bonus points for any costume that involves swallowing something alive.





snake bite

Lest you think I’m all dark and gore, these costumes triumph for cuteness overload.

The TAIL. haha (Don’t you just want to squeeze him for freshness?! I know I do.)


I get these sponges every year for Christmas. Never use them; they scare me. But on her it looks pretty damn cute.


This costume is definitely worth $.25 x the 476 balls stuck onto his/her coconut x the hours it took to hot glue those suckers. WIN.



Who knew these sponges were so popular?









And last but not least, my personal favorite–the cast from Bob’s Burgers. Extra points if they can do the annoying voices.





It’s my most favorite time of the year–Halloween! I start planning for it November 1. And to celebrate, I thought I’d share some photos of animals and kids in costumes that are full of WIN. Are you ready?

This dog costume is one of my favorites this year because it literally transforms the cone of shame into something to be proud of–a martini. Because if you can drink more than, say, 3 martinis, that’s a feat to boast about. Of course, you may not remember what you do under the influence of 3 martinis, thus needing your own personal cone of shame the day after, but that’s for another post entitled “I wish I hadn’t gone home with ugly troll guy and other humiliating drunk stories”.

martini dog

How freaking adorable are these M&M pugs? Don’t you just want to take a bite out of them? Just the tail, or maybe the head. Mmmm, chocolate…no, wait, they’re dogs…or are they? Mmmm, chocolate…

Pug M&Ms

Any time you can actually put a costume onto a cat without getting your eyes scratched out , you’ve won. They look adorable in them, right? Of course there will be a price to pay for such cuteness. Never think for a moment cats won’t seek revenge by killing you in your sleep. You’ve been warned. Hey, and if you happen to only own a guinea pig, don’t despair. You can include him in the festivities, too. Just be careful if you own a guinea pig AND a cat. Or a guinea pig AND a snake (but that’s for another post entitled, “The time I left the lid off my boa constrictor’s cage by mistake and other mishaps by snake owners.”)

Sushi-Cat-Halloween-Costume2.jpg2_sushi guina pig

Okay, now this costume is a bit easier to manage with a cat because, well, it’s closer to their true nature so I’d like to think they’d secretly find it amusing, although they won’t show it. They may still kill you in your sleep, but that would only be because they’re secretly planning to take over the world. (You didn’t hear it from me.)

Oscar the Grouch

Need a costume for your baby in a pinch? Hungry for dinner? Solve both problems by getting takeout from Chipotle and wrapping the fruit of your loins in some gold wrapping paper. Make sure you take a picture of the cuteness immediately because my guess is that worm will squirm right outta that wrapping in the time it takes to say Boo.

baby burrito

For less than the cost of one of these drinks you can make this costume. In fact, I’ll bet having one of these ridiculously expensive drinks every day adds up to be more than the amount it costs to raise a child. Yes, I’m kicking myself for not buying Starbucks stock in the 90s, too.

Starbucks drink

What could be cuter than baby AND pet together in costumes? Besides the fact that baby looks like he can’t move his arms, which will royally piss him off in about 3.5 seconds, and dog looks like he’s planning to pee on your favorite shoes as soon as you turn your back on him, I’d say this is a raging success and will yield a buttload of trick or treating candy.

baby and dog fast food

I’m sensing an overall theme in this post, which alerts me to the fact that I must be hungry and thirsty. How about you? Have you ever dressed your kid and/or pet up for Halloween?


Halloween is my favorite time of year. I start planning for it on November 1st when everything’s 50% off. I rejoice in scaring the bejeezus out of the neighborhood kids. This year I decorated with a killer clown theme. Really, who isn’t freaked out just a little by clowns? I had four color drawings of realistic clown faces on the wall of my bedroom when I was a little girl. One of them had a sad face. Those ugly pictures haunted my dreams, stole my innocence, and gave me an irrational fear of clowns.

Is it any wonder that I’m paying it forward now? Every day the neighbor boy runs over to me, complaining about how scared he is every time he looks out his window and sees my creepy adult-size clown sitting there with a bloody machete and magnetic board in his lap with colorful letters spelling out “TODAY YOU WILL DIE!”

“Good,” I tell him, “that’s what Halloween’s all about.”

Lest you think I’m all doom and gloom, with a touch of gruesome, I do have a sense of humor when it comes to Halloween. Here are some of my favorite pictures…

I’ll start with adorable and work my way down…

garden gnome

This photo of her 14-month old grandson, Crosby was sent in to The Ellen Show by Kathy H. from Olathe, Kansas. Not only is the idea of garden gnome as costume truly original, but the boy’s expression makes it priceless. Finally, a gnome you can accidentally kick over without  it shattering into a million irreparable porcelain pieces.

Princess Lea

You’d have to be a troll not to find this cute x 1000. Girl or boy? Doesn’t matter at this age. Are those chocolate doughnuts? To quote Gloria the Hippo in Madagascar: “…aww I just wanna dunk him in my coffee!”

All right, enough with the humans, time to move on to the canines…

Darth Vadar

In keeping with the Star Wars theme–Dog Vader. Only a pug can pull this one off.

dog cheerleader

It’s the fake arms that really make this outfit work. Too bad the pup’s expression says, “What have I ever done to make you ridicule me so?”

dog leprechaun

It’s the arms and the legs that make this costume #1 in my book. And the dog’s being such an incredibly good-natured sport over the whole “I look ridiculous” thing. Give him a bowl of Lucky Charms!

Now on to some creatures who aren’t quite so good-natured–CATS

Halloween cat

I’m not sure what the heck this costume is all about; all I know is this cat looks like my Aunt Gay back in the sixties, straddling the seventies era. Surprisingly, kitty doesn’t look too perturbed, although she’s probably thinking, “God, I hope none of my friends recognize me in this get-up.”

Halloween cat

Knowing how all cats relish their dignity, I can only imagine what this feline has running through his mind. I’m guessing it’s along the lines of “I am going to kill you in your sleep for dressing me up in something so beneath me.”

And finally, we come to the inanimate objects…

This one’s a good old-fashioned classic. One of these days when I can figure out how to impale pumpkins on 2 by 4s, this scene will decorate my front yard.

This isn’t a pumpkin; this is art. If more vaginas looked like this, women wouldn’t have to worry so much about birth control.


Speaking of birth control, maybe if this scene came complete with audio of a real woman in labor, it would help control the population explosion.

This one speaks for itself.