MWAHAHA!

Halloween is my favorite time of year. I start planning for it on November 1st when everything’s 50% off. I rejoice in scaring the bejeezus out of the neighborhood kids. This year I decorated with a killer clown theme. Really, who isn’t freaked out just a little by clowns? I had four color drawings of realistic clown faces on the wall of my bedroom when I was a little girl. One of them had a sad face. Those ugly pictures haunted my dreams, stole my innocence, and gave me an irrational fear of clowns.

Is it any wonder that I’m paying it forward now? Every day the neighbor boy runs over to me, complaining about how scared he is every time he looks out his window and sees my creepy adult-size clown sitting there with a bloody machete and magnetic board in his lap with colorful letters spelling out “TODAY YOU WILL DIE!”

“Good,” I tell him, “that’s what Halloween’s all about.”

Lest you think I’m all doom and gloom, with a touch of gruesome, I do have a sense of humor when it comes to Halloween. Here are some of my favorite pictures…

I’ll start with adorable and work my way down…

garden gnome

This photo of her 14-month old grandson, Crosby was sent in to The Ellen Show by Kathy H. from Olathe, Kansas. Not only is the idea of garden gnome as costume truly original, but the boy’s expression makes it priceless. Finally, a gnome you can accidentally kick over without  it shattering into a million irreparable porcelain pieces.

Princess Lea

You’d have to be a troll not to find this cute x 1000. Girl or boy? Doesn’t matter at this age. Are those chocolate doughnuts? To quote Gloria the Hippo in Madagascar: “…aww I just wanna dunk him in my coffee!”

All right, enough with the humans, time to move on to the canines…

Darth Vadar

In keeping with the Star Wars theme–Dog Vader. Only a pug can pull this one off.

dog cheerleader

It’s the fake arms that really make this outfit work. Too bad the pup’s expression says, “What have I ever done to make you ridicule me so?”

dog leprechaun

It’s the arms and the legs that make this costume #1 in my book. And the dog’s being such an incredibly good-natured sport over the whole “I look ridiculous” thing. Give him a bowl of Lucky Charms!

Now on to some creatures who aren’t quite so good-natured–CATS

Halloween cat

I’m not sure what the heck this costume is all about; all I know is this cat looks like my Aunt Gay back in the sixties, straddling the seventies era. Surprisingly, kitty doesn’t look too perturbed, although she’s probably thinking, “God, I hope none of my friends recognize me in this get-up.”

Halloween cat

Knowing how all cats relish their dignity, I can only imagine what this feline has running through his mind. I’m guessing it’s along the lines of “I am going to kill you in your sleep for dressing me up in something so beneath me.”

And finally, we come to the inanimate objects…

This one’s a good old-fashioned classic. One of these days when I can figure out how to impale pumpkins on 2 by 4s, this scene will decorate my front yard.

This isn’t a pumpkin; this is art. If more vaginas looked like this, women wouldn’t have to worry so much about birth control.

Halloween

Speaking of birth control, maybe if this scene came complete with audio of a real woman in labor, it would help control the population explosion.

This one speaks for itself.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Menopausalmother
    Oct 29, 2012 @ 18:17:10

    OMG I am dying over here laughing! This is AWESOME!! Geez, where did you find all these pictures? I would love to have the 2 outdoor pumpkins (Butt crack boy and boobie girl) on my front lawn–sure would give the neighbors something to talk about. And that spider pumpkin was down right freaky. As for the clowns, they scare the crap out of me—I think that’s why I never liked the circus. If I were a trick or treater I’d have to skip your house if I saw a knife wielding clown there. No amount of chocolate is worth dealing with a creepy clown! My favorite picture? The pug, because I own one and you just gave me a great idea for a costume! Excellent blog post just in time for Halloween!

    Reply

    • Tiffany N. York
      Oct 30, 2012 @ 09:46:55

      Haha! I KNEW you’d like that pug one. So you do dress yours up for Halloween? I dress the diva Chihuahua up every year. Since she’s too fat now for her pumpkin costume, this year she’s going to be a pink Crayola crayon. There’s this little hat that is the tip of the crayon that I just know she’s going to hate wearing. Oh well. I only keep her around to indulge me by dressing up in cute outfits, so…

      Reply

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