BOO-YA!

 

It’s my most favorite time of year again–Halloween! I’ve decorated both inside and outside in a scary clown theme, inspired by the remake of Stephen King’s IT (worth seeing btw). Every time the young neighbor kids have to walk by my yard, the older girl shields her younger brother’s eyes and warns, “Don’t look at it.” Now that is “mission accomplished” in my book.

Each year I choose some costumes that go above and beyond. Behold my choices…

This costume scores big for ingenuity alone. I once had a boyfriend who called me his “little black raincloud” because black was my happy color and I was going through a phase where any jewelry I wore had to have snakes, spiders, or scorpions on it. This costume would have been perfect for me back then.

We all know pregnancy is no laughing matter, what with the feeling like you’re incubating an alien for 9 months of your life. So if you can find an ounce of funny in it, you’re a winner. This little guy wants out of his mommy, and no doubt she’s wishing the same: GET OUT, so I can see my ankles again!

This gem was in an article entitled “Questionable Costumes by Parents.” ?! The only questions I have are: How in the ever-loving hell do they walk? And, are you able to walk over to collect your First Prize ribbon?

Bonus points for any costume that involves swallowing something alive.

 

 

Lest you think I’m all dark and gore, these costumes triumph for cuteness overload.

The TAIL. haha (Don’t you just want to squeeze him for freshness?! I know I do.)

I get these sponges every year for Christmas. Never use them; they scare me. But on her it looks pretty damn cute.

This costume is definitely worth $.25 x the 476 balls stuck onto his/her coconut x the hours it took to hot glue those suckers. WIN.

 

Who knew these sponges were so popular?

 

 

 

 

 

And last but not least, my personal favorite–the cast from Bob’s Burgers. Extra points if they can do the annoying voices.

 

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

MWAHAHA!

Halloween is my favorite time of year. I start planning for it on November 1st when everything’s 50% off. I rejoice in scaring the bejeezus out of the neighborhood kids. This year I decorated with a killer clown theme. Really, who isn’t freaked out just a little by clowns? I had four color drawings of realistic clown faces on the wall of my bedroom when I was a little girl. One of them had a sad face. Those ugly pictures haunted my dreams, stole my innocence, and gave me an irrational fear of clowns.

Is it any wonder that I’m paying it forward now? Every day the neighbor boy runs over to me, complaining about how scared he is every time he looks out his window and sees my creepy adult-size clown sitting there with a bloody machete and magnetic board in his lap with colorful letters spelling out “TODAY YOU WILL DIE!”

“Good,” I tell him, “that’s what Halloween’s all about.”

Lest you think I’m all doom and gloom, with a touch of gruesome, I do have a sense of humor when it comes to Halloween. Here are some of my favorite pictures…

I’ll start with adorable and work my way down…

This photo of her 14-month old grandson, Crosby was sent in to The Ellen Show by Kathy H. from Olathe, Kansas. Not only is the idea of garden gnome as costume truly original, but the boy’s expression makes it priceless. Finally, a gnome you can accidentally kick over without  it shattering into a million irreparable porcelain pieces.

You’d have to be a troll not to find this cute x 1000. Girl or boy? Doesn’t matter at this age. Are those chocolate doughnuts? To quote Gloria the Hippo in Madagascar: “…aww I just wanna dunk him in my coffee!”

All right, enough with the humans, time to move on to the canines…

In keeping with the Star Wars theme–Dog Vader. Only a pug can pull this one off.

It’s the fake arms that really make this outfit work. Too bad the pup’s expression says, “What have I ever done to make you ridicule me so?”

It’s the arms and the legs that make this costume #1 in my book. And the dog’s being such an incredibly good-natured sport over the whole “I look ridiculous” thing. Give him a bowl of Lucky Charms!

Now on to some creatures who aren’t quite so good-natured–CATS

I’m not sure what the heck this costume is all about; all I know is this cat looks like my Aunt Gay back in the sixties, straddling the seventies era. Surprisingly, kitty doesn’t look too perturbed, although she’s probably thinking, “God, I hope none of my friends recognize me in this get-up.”

Knowing how all cats relish their dignity, I can only imagine what this feline has running through his mind. I’m guessing it’s along the lines of “I am going to kill you in your sleep for dressing me up in something so beneath me.”

And finally, we come to the inanimate objects…

This one’s a good old-fashioned classic. One of these days when I can figure out how to impale pumpkins on 2 by 4s, this scene will decorate my front yard.

This isn’t a pumpkin; this is art. If more vaginas looked like this, women wouldn’t have to worry so much about birth control.

Speaking of birth control, maybe if this scene came complete with audio of a real woman in labor, it would help control the population explosion.

This one speaks for itself.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!