TIS THE SEASON FOR UGLY SWEATERS!

My second favorite holiday is Christmas. It used to be numero uno back before I had children, but because children nowadays want electronics that cost a gazillion dollars, I end up paying $6000 in credit card interest due to Christmas credit card debt that never gets paid off.

What I do love about this season is the availability and wide selection of hideously ugly holiday sweaters. They’ve gotten so popular, there are now parties specifically thrown to show off your “ugly.” As with Halloween costumes, this is the time to let your imagination go crazy. Behold some particularly fugly gems…


Everything is so sophisticated nowadays, even sweaters are going 3-D. And if you think your sweater still needs a touch more ugly, you can order LED lights and shove them into various spots on your sweater like on this Grumpy Cat monstrosity below. NO indeed.

 

Never forget your pet. Pets reflect their owners; therefore they must look as ugly as you. This poor mutt appears miserable. Hey, dogs are smart, and they know how ridiculous they look. Be prepared for them to get back at you by leaving something “ugly” on your carpet after chewing the ugly off their sweater.

 

Here’s one for the forever “frat” boy, now middle-aged, with a comb-over and a swelling gut. This sweater says, “I’m the one who’ll order a round of Jager bombs for everyone in Vegas, inappropriately proposition the waitress, proceed to gamble all my money away, and wind up in a pool of my own vomit.” Good times!

Doesn’t matter what religion you are, there are ugly sweaters for everyone. Here’s one brave woman who doesn’t mind appearing wider than she really is.

 

Now, there’s ugly, and then there’s inappropriate. And what could be more inappropriate than 2 reindeers humping?


Why, 3, yes 3 reindeer humping! Oy!

 

I wouldn’t be surprised if this elf surfaces 10 years later with sexual harassment claims.

The sweater below has a lot going on. I can’t tell whether Santa is putting up a star or sucking on the man’s nipple. Is he scratching his own ass or getting it on with the man’s bellybutton? Does the dog want to lick Santa’s ass or the man’s right testicle? So many unanswered questions for this ugly sweater.

Tired of looking at ugly-ass sweaters? Here’s one more.

Upside Christmas trees seem to be the rage this year. Ugly sweaters have jumped on that bandwagon. Would anyone like to jingle his balls?

If your SO is going to be ugly, you must join him or her in the ugliness. Never let your mate be ugly on their own. There’s too much temptation out there in the sea of ugly sweaterness.

And last, but not least, my all-time favorite because it depicts the effects ugly holiday sweaters have on me. These two sweaters worn together scream, “Mexico trip after eating street tacos from a sketchy food cart on the outskirts of town.”

 

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

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