Photo by Malingering
I have been fascinated with penises ever since I was a little girl. Not sure exactly where the fascination stemmed from, I just know I used to go around drawing them on every available notepad in my grandmother’s house.
Instead of playing dolls with my friends, I was taking pictures of a real penis with my Kodak Instamatic camera. The boy who lived upstairs and I thought it would be great fun, as well as instructional—that is, until my mom picked up the developed photos and there was a “Possible Pedophile Warning Notice” tacked on the envelope.
Readers of this blog may have felt that some of my past posts sound a bit “anti-men,” but the truth is I love men. The fact that I usually choose crappy men has done nothing to diminish my liking of their anatomy. And for that, I am truly thankful. I can honestly say I have never met a penis I didn’t like. Penises are like breasts—they come in all shapes and sizes, so you never know what you’re going to get. And judging by my ten-year-old son’s enamor of his, they are obviously endless sources of amusement.
I’ve often wondered what it must be like to have a penis, something so “out there” all the time. Mostly, I forget I have a vagina until it’s time to go to the bathroom. And even then, I don’t become aroused simply because the air hits it.
My son said the other day, “My penis is just so fun. I want to play with it all the time.” I calmly told him to always play with it in private, but I have to admit, I was a bit envious. Women typically take a while to “warm up,” sexually, and even then, they may not be turned on until twenty minutes into the act when things start feeling somewhat good. But men, ah men, they know RIGHT AWAY if they’re turned on. And everything feels good RIGHT AWAY. Hell, anything that’s directed toward the general vicinity of their pelvic region feels good.
Since there’s no PENIS APPRECIATION DAY, I’ve decided to write a little poem…
My son has named his penis Billy.
Which to a woman may sound quite silly.
But penises matter a whole bunch
To the men who own them. Why? I have a hunch
This source of pleasure is fun and free
Always willing to oblige and wanting to please me.
I really can’t complain since penises have always made me feel good
The only suggestion I can make is whether they could
Learn how to cook and clean, make an effort to become more comprehensible
Then in my book, penises would be indispensible.