Back when I was a wee little ingénue performing in plays Off-Broadway, I used to dream about winning an Oscar. I’d practice my speech in the mirror, genuine tears springing to my eyes, while I clutched a shampoo bottle and thanked everyone, including the Chinese take-out delivery boy and my cat.
Fast forward twenty years, and I’m sad to report I still haven’t won a goddamn thing…until now! And not one, but TWO awards! I have to admit it feels just as good as winning an Academy award, because it means one person likes me, they really, really like me. (Sorry Sally Field)
If you haven’t checked out the blog, menopausalmother.blogspot.com, you must! It’s hilarious and true to life. Thanks menopausalmama, for bestowing these awards upon me. I realize I now have the responsibility of living up to their expectations. With each award comes a set of rules. There are questions to answer about oneself, which is like a walk on the beach for me, as I’m extremely self-centered and love to talk about myself. The best part is I get to pay it forward by nominating other bloggers I think are fantastic. This will hopefully ensure good karma, since I need all the help I can get in that department.
My first award is the Kreativ Blogger Award
The rules for the award are as follows:
1. Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to the awarding blog.
2. Answer 7 questions about yourself.
3. Provide 10 random factoids about yourself.
4. Hand the award to 7 deserving others.
1. What is your favorite song?
Jamie’s Cryin’by Van Halen—My teen years were all about sex, drugs and rock-n-roll, and Van Halen was my teenage wet dream. David Lee Roth may have had the biggest bulge in spandex, but it was Eddie Van Halen’s deft fingers that left me swooning.
2. What is your favorite dessert?
Tiramisu from the Olive Garden, of all places. This revelation would give my Italian relatives agita, given that the Olive Garden isn’t real authentic Italian, but hey, I live far from the bakeries in Brooklyn, so tough noogies.
3. What do you do when you’re upset?
I curse. A lot. “Fuck” becomes an exclamation, an adjective, adverb, a noun, verb, and modifier.
4. What is your favorite pet?
Cats, cats, and more cats. At one point, I had 7. You can never have too many cats.
5. Which do you prefer, white or whole wheat?
While I’ll admit I went through a phase of eating PB&J on Wonder bread every day for an entire summer, it was back when I was twelve and didn’t know any better. Now I eat whole wheat, because it’s not PC to eat white sandwich bread anymore, unless you’re stoned.
6. What is your biggest fear?
Dying before my son turns 21.
7. What is your attitude mostly?
Sarcastic, cynical, and sassy, with a biting sense of humor that often offends people.
10 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME
1. I love animals much more than people.
2. I started college at age 16. Everyone made fun of my young age.
3. I hate to wear bras and underwear, although I will when I have to.
4. I believe in astrology, especially when it comes to love. Whenever I date someone new, I look up their sign in Linda Goodman’s book, Love Signs to see if we’re compatible.
5. I have had 5 major relationships with guys named Steve, and 3 best friends named Jennifer.
6. I do a lot of things well, but excel at nothing in particular.
7. I did my junior year abroad in Italy.
8. The catalyst for learning Italian in the first place was falling in love with an Italian boy at the age of 16.
9. I started looking at my dad’s Playboy magazines at age 8–hence my realistic expectations for what women’s bodies are supposed to look like.
10. I have a houseplant, a dieffenbachia, that my grandmother got when I was born. It is now almost 45 years old. My mother has instilled the fear of God into me that if I were to ever let it die for any reason, I will be cursed for the rest of my life.
Except my plant is now the size of a baby elephant!
THE 7 BLOGGERS WHO ARE DESERVING OF THE KREATIV BLOGGER AWARD :
My second award, the Fabulous Blog Ribbon, also came from menopausalmama.
“Wow, I can’t believe it’s so heavy!”
The rules for the award are as follows:
1. Thank the blogger who gave it to you and share the link back to the awarding blog.
2. Name 5 fabulous moments in your life.
3. Name 5 things that you love.
4. Name 5 things you hate.
5. Pass the award to 5 deserving bloggers.
5 FABULOUS MOMENTS
1. Having my first orgasm; it set the bar for future fulfillment.
2. Every single time I was on stage in front of an audience.
3. Writing the words “The End” for my very first novel.
4. When the doctor laid my howling, naked baby boy on my chest.
5. Being offered a contract for my first novel, The Accidental Cougar.
5 THINGS I LOVE
1. Coffee with heavy whipping cream, no sugar first thing in the morning. Need it, crave it, can’t live without it.
2. The beach in all its glory
3. Watching my son sleep
4. Getting lost in a novel
5. My son and my mom (Awww)
5 THINGS I HATE
1. Judgmental people—esp. if I’m the one who’s being judged
2. Cigarette smoke
3. The sound of car horns and screeching brakes
4. Poor grammar and typos
5. Losing my temper with my son
THE 5 DESERVING BLOGGERS OF THE FABULOUS BLOG RIBBON:
Whew! This took me longer to write than any post I’ve ever done, but it was well worth it. And now, you know more about me than you probably ever cared to know. Congratulations to all you deserving bloggers! Your input in this world matters! Show the love and pass it on!