CRAZY CAT LADY

Action figure

So my friend sent me this care package and inside was a “Crazy Cat Lady” Action Figure. It’s an appropriate gift for me, since every time we catch up together on the phone I usually tell her I have another cat: starving strays that find their way to my doorstep, a friend who dump off her cats “temporarily” until she finds a place to live that allows cats, irresponsible teenagers whose parents won’t allow a kitten in their home, but they swear they’ll come “pick it up the very next day.”

Folks around my complex marvel over the fact that a few of my cats trot along with me when I walk the diva Chihuahua. You would think they were seeing an image of the Virgin Mary in a mud puddle, that’s how amazed they are at the sight of it.

I admit I’ve had anywhere between five and seven cats, depending on the day. I admit I’d want a few more too, if it weren’t for the fact that the cats I already have tend to mark their territory whenever a new addition shows up, and I’m barely just getting the diva Chihuahua piss out of my carpet.

I take offense to the widespread notion that women who own cats are spinsters. Yeah, I’m romantically-challenged, but what does owning cats have to do with that? If a guy owns four dogs, why isn’t he known as Crazy Dog Man?

If everyone says women are like cats: sneaky, moody, mysterious, independent, and impossible to please, then I’d have to say men are more like dogs: energetic, emotionally needy, protective, gassy, and always wanting to hump.

I’ve found men who own cats to be more creative, sensitive, and passionate than the average Joe. Hemingway was a cat lover, as was John Lennon, who even went so far as to name one of his cats Jesus.

I’d rather be known as Crazy Cat Lady because I love cats, than say, Mean Cat Lady, because I refuse to feed them. Or Psychopath Cat Lady because I take joy in pulling their whiskers off. So I’ll continue to be the butt of people’s jokes while I play The Crazy Cat Lady Game—whoever can collect the most cats wins!

Crazy Cat Lady Game

And munch on my Crazy Cat Lady Candy:

Do I see myself as always having cats in my life? Absolutely pawsitively! (Sorry, I had to.)

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