MY MAN CHECKLIST

Dear Fairy Godfather,

Here is my wish list for a man. Yes, I know I’m about thirty
years too late, but it’s taken me a while to get my priorities straightened out.

1. When I was twenty-eight, I dated a man who, straight off
the bat, told me he was seeing other women as well. I can’t say this was music
to my ears, but it was the first time a man had come right out and admitted to
playing the field. While that ended up being the main reason I stopped seeing
him, to this day I still respect his honesty and straightforwardness.

Since that time, there have been a few men who have been
able to look me directly in the eye and lie – lies that stemmed from “I didn’t
eat the leftovers” to “I’m not sleeping with her.”

A UK study found that men lie six times a day and twice as
often as women. What happened to the days when a man’s word was his bond?
When deals were sealed with a word and a handshake?

The first item on my list? HONESTY.

Example: “Yes, you look fat in those jeans.”

2. CONFIDENCE. Women are notorious for having issues with self-esteem.
I’m no different; therefore I want a man who can walk in and own a room, while I’m shyly hiding behind
him; two wallflowers = two boring guests who will never be invited to another party.

I also would like him to be competent at things that I am
not, like mechanics and plumbing. Let’s face it, if he brings nothing to the
table except a penis, even I know enough about mechanics to know he can be
easily replaced by an inanimate object.

Example: “Yes, you do look fat in those jeans,
but that’s only because it’s that time of the month
for you. You’ll look better in them next week.”

3. BE A LEADER – This is tied into the ability to make
decisions and stick with them. Not in a dictatorship-type way, but if I’m being
wishy-washy over whether I should wear the jeans that I think make me look fat,
he needs to make the decision for us and put us both out of our misery.

Example:  “Yes, you look fat in those jeans. Take them
off and put on this black skirt.”

4. BE FIRM. A real man doesn’t have to yell to get his point
across. In fact, if he yells and swears, and has outbursts (Hi, Dad), that
exemplifies a loss of control. Since men often pride themselves on remaining in
control at all times, they need to use that character trait for good, instead
of evil. I’m already all over the place emotionally, so I’m counting on my man
to be the voice of reason.

Example: “Yes, you look fat in those jeans, but that’s only
because the cut isn’t flattering. Try these, instead.”

I recently read a post by a wife who claimed that
her husband never shouted or swore at her until
six months after they were married. When she asked him where the guy was that
she dated, he told her she lived in a dream world; that no man keeps that crap
up after the chase. Oy!

5. BE ATHLETIC – Now, I’m not saying he has to be Jack LaLanne
until he’s ninety, but some form of physical exercise must embody his life. If
it doesn’t, everything goes soft – the body, the mind, the…everything.

Example: “Yes, you look fat in those jeans. Tomorrow we’ll
start working out together.”

6. BE ABLE TO SHOW REAL EMOTION – I don’t expect him to cry
during chick flicks, but he should be able to shed a few tears at his parent’s
funeral. My son fell down a flight of stairs when he was nine months old. His
father immediately scooped him up and rocked him back and forth, tears filling
his eyes. I’ll never forget the immediate raw display of emotion over his son;
of course he then ruined the moment by yelling and saying it was my fault the
baby fell down the stairs, but I try not to remember that part.

Example: “I need to be honest by telling you that you do
look fat in those jeans. I’m  sorry.”

BOTTOM LINE – I don’t care how much money a man makes
(Sorry, Grandma), as long as he has ambition. It doesn’t matter if he hasn’t
finished high school, so long as he keeps learning, and always possesses the
desire to better himself. It’s okay if he hasn’t travelled to different
countries, but he needs to be genuinely interested in the world around him. If
he’s without family or close friends, he still needs to be capable of forming a
bond with someone. Perhaps most important, he should always show respect to the
woman he loves and cherish her with all his heart.

Pipe dream, or what?

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